OF ACTIONS AND CONTEMPLATIONS
by savorie
Summary: 10 song drabbles, some containing dark/ disturbing themes. L x Light Y., L x Misa, Near x Misa, Mello x Light Y., Teru M. x Light Y., L x BB, Naomi Misora x BB, Light Y. x Sayu Y.
1. FOREWORD

OF ACTIONS AND CONTEMPLATIONS

-FOREWORD-

Disclaimer

First of all, I want to say that the rights to Death Note belong to their rightful owners. I don`t expect any financial advantage out of this. This means that the characters do not belong to me and the depictions and settings of the story are purely fictional.

About the drabbles

This piece of writing consists of 10 drabbles ( each under 500 words) that were inspired by various songs I`ve been listening to. this is the first time I`m experimenting with drabbles. How did I write them? Well... I was listening to my ipod on shuffle. And the first song made my imagination kick in.

It didn`t take more than 5 minutes to write each of them, and their meaning may seem a little bit condensed.

Music that inspired each of them

Each drabble stands alone, but I have to say that the subjects got more and more sensitive as the music played on. You might find dark and disturbing themes as you delve deeper.

So take a look at the songs was inspired by:

Lovesong- The Cure

Opium – Emilie Simon

Skinny – Filter

Great big white world – Marilyn Manson

Pictures of me- Elliott Smith

Redmoon- Antennae

Mr. Sandman – Oranger

Sickness – Linkin Park

Scared – There Days Grace

Sweet dreams ( are made of this) – Emily Browning ( from Sucker Punch OST)

Reviews are love! Let me know what you think!


	2. LOVESONG

Drabble no 1, inspired by Lovesong by the Cure

Pairing- L (one sided) x Misa

Theme- unrequited love, jealousy, listlessness, too much chocolate!

**Lovesong**

He plays with the box of chocolates she offered him earlier. Light took his own and went straight to his room leaving behind a very whiny Misa-san.

She could have stayed with him. He needed some company, after all. But now he understands that they are nothing more than friends. Yes, L knows that and he abides by his own twisted rules. He does not want anything from her. He just wants to solve the case. This is it.

As he opens the box, a small slip of pink paper fell to the floor. He quickly arched to catch it in time as he didn`t want the task force to inquire about anything. Of course... a note.

_However long I stay,  
I will always love you.  
Whatever words I say,  
I will always love you_

Yes... L knew about that. How sweet. How he wished the words were directed at him.

But this was Light`s box of chocolates. He wanted it so he got it, mostly because he suggested his might be poisoned. Light accepted the exchange without too much struggle, despite Misa`s annoyance.

As he dangled Misa`s note between his spindly fingers, L ate chocolate after chocolate, just to fill the void that threatened to swallow him whole. he welcomed the bitterness and the venom that permeate those chocolates, and let it flow freely and speedily through his whole last chocolate, heart shaped right in the middle… it was the sweetest. As he bit into the dark heart, the pain overtook him.

At exactly 7 pm, a tear strolled unabashedly on L`s chalk-white cheekbone. If he could, he would eat that piece of paper himself just to make the words a part of him.

_I will always love you._


	3. OPIUM

Drabble no 2 inspired by Emilie Simon`s Opium.

Pairings- L(one sided) x Misa, L x Light Y.

Themes- drugs (opium),sex for convenience, master-slave relationship

**Opium**

As I let the memory of her slip again through my fingers I drag the heady smoke into my lungs. I am dying to have her in my arms, but I know that is not possible. The boy knocks again. He`s just seventeen and so oblivious to it all. As he lounges towards me to steal a kiss, I gently push him away. Although he`s been brainwashed he`s intelligent enough to become the death of me.

Does he know I use him while I`m thinking of her?

He smiles and takes of hastily his clothes, grinning all the while with what he wants to be a seductive smile. He`s ready to please me.

-Master, he purrs.

I let him do whatever he wants, while I get high and forgetful. His body arches gorgeously… it reminds me of hers. But as I stop inhaling the drug, the image of a charming young man comes back and I`d do anything to change it back to the queen of my fantasies.

He kisses my neck again and I close my eyes. Then… something that I didn`t predict happens. He steals it from my hands and drags into his own lungs as if it were the purest air.

He coughs violently and begs me with his warm caramel eyes to make him feel better.

I sneak a hand towards his lower back as I give instructions to him.

I whisper into his ear and he gets even more excited. I then drug him until his cries remind me of her.

_-Mon petit cobaye*… _

_*My little guinea pig_


	4. SKINNY

Drabble no 3- Skinny by Filter

Pairing: Light Y. x Misa

Themes: eating disorder, unhealthy relationship, psychotic behaviour

**Skinny**

She`s made of everything nice. Of sugar and spice. And she floats upon a pink little cloud. And she smells of Princess. She`s great. She`s popular and she`s beautiful.

Nobody has to know, though… how she dies inside every time.

She just needs to stay pretty, and skinny.

This is why, when Light goes away like he always does, after giving a peck on her forehead, she has to do it again.

The contents swirl into the toilet bowl. She`s sick again. But she`s so happy she could laugh. And skip, although she`s a bit weak on her feet after doing it again.

_-Don't ever let them see you cheat._

She gets up and takes a shower, because the water and her tears will make her pure again.

With every touch of his he taints her, but she knows that whenever she`ll rub at her sking until it might bleed, the feeling of being dirty and unworthy leaves her.

_-Don't ever let them see you bleed._

The smile takes upon her face and she does her job sagaciously. Light will praise her.

She writes... and the names pile beautifully into the fine pages of the black notebook he`s given her.

_-Don't ever let them shake your hand._

She just finished writing 500 names. Enough for that day, just as he wanted.

_-Don't ever let them believe that scam._

Of course, Misa is going out. This is her hour... but somehow she feels sick again. Looking in the mirror, she sees a beautiful, smiling and skinny young woman.

She smiles confidently and closes the door behind her.


	5. Great big white world

Drabble no 4 – Great big white world by Marilyn Manson

Pairing-Mello x Matt, Mello x Light Y.

Themes- murder, solitude, religion

**Great big white world**

Mello wakes up. And it`s already noon. He hates to waste time, but here he is… trapped in a bedroom with a terrible headache. He went into a fight yesterday night. It`s so confusing, sometimes. He barely remembers the reason he fought for. Whenever he remembers about L he wants to kill something… anything…

All he knows is that he`s an avenger and that nothing is going to stop him.

He`s on a mission of his own: taking Light Yagami straight to hell, where he belongs… He knows it`s him. He doesn`t even feel like confirming it to Near and the rest of the task.

But he`s so tired. And lonely. And so sick of everything.

He gets some chocolate and Matt`s cigarettes and starts smoking while looking at the city below him. How long has it passed? It`s already dark.

-In space the stars are no nearer, they just glitter like a morgue.

He gets this weird feeling, which somehow pushes him out of the apartment.

The gun is his best friend. It stays attached to his waist just like a good little girl. She`s the best girlfriend he could ever have.

But he feels so lonely… and needs someone. And because he knows where the bastard lives, he`s going to pay him a visit. Right now, because he`s bored and tempted.

And what should do people when they are tempted? Well… the Bible says they should resist it. But it always comes back. Mello, on the other hand, or Michael by his real name has another solution.

He`s going to give Light Yagami the opportunity to count his last seconds. Mello doesn`t play. He lives in a game, literally, and as he knocks, he knows that he can`t pause it or run away. It`s not one of Matt`s consoles, god bless his memory. The only thing he needs to do is pray and so he does. The beads around him are proof of his dedication.

He finished.

-Mother marry miscarry, and we pray just like insects.  
And then the door opens.

The beautiful caramel eyes harden under Mello`s icy stare. This is the God he was dying to erase. He`s a mere mortal, fearful like the others he has killed.

The gun is ready as it makes contact with Light`s forehead.

The world is colorless, as usual. He walks towards his apartment with small steps. Now it doesn`t matter. Their God is dead. Who`s going to take his place?

-The world is so ugly now.


	6. Pictures of me

Drabble no 5 – Pictures of me by Elliott Smith

Pairing- Teru Mikami (one sided) x Light Y.

Themes- unrequited love, obsession, murder, psycho, Teru`s having one of his fits

**Pictures of me**

I know. I know I am just a pawn. And I accepted it because it`s the only thing I`m good at. I want to please him more than anything. I need him to need me.

Kira. God. Yagami Raito.

I know you. I know who you are, what you do and whom do you speak with. I know what you like and what you hate. You like obedience and you hate chaos.

I love you. But how can I have you? I am just a dog to you. I would give you my heart and you`ll still be cold to me.

-Completely wrong! Totally wrong!

I want you to see me. Really see me. Not all those pictures of me. I am angry with you, I want to make you understand. Therefore, I call you.

Because you don`t answer your phone, I just send you a message.

It says GOD I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU.

You will understand.

It`s late and I feel dejected and disabused.

And I want to fall asleep and die because there`s nothing better to do. And I want you to be my God. I worship you, can`t you understand? I want to be filled by you. Your light.

As I fumble with my sheets I wonder wheteher you`ll come as I have asked for.

Probably not.

I curl into a ball. And I freeze as the oddities in my mind take over my environment. I am jealous and mad. And so… weak.

But I still have the notebook. Yes… the notebook. And my tears dry up instantly. I should write more… I know that I can make you mine.

-I see nothing wrong. Nothing`s wrong. Yagami Raito, 21 days left, dies peacefully in my arms.

Yes, God, forgive me!


	7. REDMOON

Drabble no 6 - Redmoon by Antennae

Pairing: Near x Misa A.

Themes: necrophilia, sickness and horror

**Redmoon**

He looks at her body and doesn`t flinch like the others. They found her drowned in the river. Her long golden locks curled like meanders of the undersea. She is so beautiful. He wants to touch her and smiles for a second at the inappropriate thought.

She`s naked.

Maybe this is how Light has seen her many times. The only difference was that she was alive. Four hours ago… Misa Amane was still alive. Her chest would rise up with every breath she took, her eyes would flicker in the dark, and her skin would feel warm. He can`t help but want to touch her. She`s bluish now. Dead and gone.

But not to him.

Still… he`s curious. Such a beautiful creature.

She drowned in the river. Nate River. His name.

What an unfortunate coincidence.

He`s now alone with her. How lucky.

As he traces his fingers on her transparent skin he feels it. The same thing that the others kept talking about. Light, L, Matt and even Mello… yes… she is gorgeous. Maybe they even fell in love with her. Of course they did, but they never had her all to themselves, except maybe for Light, whom she assumedly has loved greatly.

But that doesn`t matter now. Even after her death, she was enjoyable.

He didn`t want to remember the other`s stories of passion about Misa.

Mello`s allusions made him break out in cold sweats.

Her lips looked so full and cold. What if… what if she`s just asleep? I should wake her up with a kiss.

And he places his lips upon hers, his tongue flinching a little as he feels something. He wants more. He`s so sad and angry that he wants to try everything to revive her. He admits that she`s the first he kisses. What it`s like to do the rest? So what if she`s dead?

A shiver runs through him as he takes his clothes off. He`s doing a little experiment. What if…? He can`t believe they want to cut her up and have the autopsy. He will never allow this beautiful angel to be tainted by their knives. She feels so good and he has to bite his lip not to come right then and there.

One last caress and he`s over the edge.

…And why are her eyes open?


	8. Mr Sandman

Drabble no 7 – Mr Sandman by Oranger

Characters – Near, mentions of L

Themes- solitude, insomnia, boredom

**Mr Sandman**

Nate River paces his bedroom with equal steps. Every second or so he takes a deep breath. He cannot fall asleep for the love of the world.

He probably needs a new case. Something to keep his little mind occupied.

He needs something to do, and fast, or he might end up crawling on the window sill and throw himself out.

The night is sweet and warm. He should probably take a walk through the Whammy gardens and drink some milk. That might make him sleepy. He doesn`t want to end up like L, an insomniac.

As he slips into his sneakers and shuts the lights to his room, Nate River, or Near as everybody knows him, starts worrying again. This time it`s because he feels really deserted or lonely. That`s the word, but he will never acknowledge it into his vocabulary.

As he gets into the garden he starts feeling sleepy. That`s a good sign.

Then… there is this sound that comes straight from the kitchen. It`s such a silly tune and Near can`t help and snort at the words.

_Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream  
Make her the cutest that I've ever seen  
Give her two lips like roses and clover  
Then tell her that her lonesome nights are over_

Somehow he`s been listening to it for too long to care. He feels drowsy and tries to get into a more comfortable position there on the bench. The moon is full and silvery. The perfume in the garden is heady and the song is barely audible.

He might sleep there, nobody will disturb him anyway…

_-Mr Sandman, bring me a dream…_

He yawns and waits.


	9. SICKNESS

Drabble no 8- Sickness by Linkin park

Pairings: L. Lawliet x Beyond Birthday

Themes: obsession, violence, sickness, blood-play, dirty language

**Sickness**

Of course I love you. You are part of me. You will always be within me.

Your last visit brought only frustration upon me, but this is how you are, just like me, otherwise I wouldn`t love you so much, B.

I wanted to yell at you to stop, but I was just so fascinated by what you have become. Only for me.

I am the only one that can kiss your bloodied lips. I am the only thing that can calm you down. I am allowed into your dirty little wounds to fill you up and make you cry like a little whore.

This is us… B and L.

IF YOU LEAVE ME EVER AGAIN, I`M GOING TO FUCK YOU IN FRONT OF ROGER AND THE OLD MAN. I AM HUNGRY FOR YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH THAT I FEEL LIKE TEARING YOUR SKIN AND MUSCLES APART JUST TO SEE THAT HEART OF YOURS. DO YOU EVEN HAVE ONE, L?

You cut yourself again. Don`t do that again, B, please.I didn`t want to see you in pain so I didn`t open the door, threatening that it would be the last time. You are so sheepish but so cruel. Of course you found a way to get to me. I don`t even want to hear from Roger about the bad things you`ve done while I`ve been away.

My beautiful, beautiful angel. My perfect copy.

Ah, I`m greedy tonight, B. You can be as beautiful as an angel, but you`re as evil and cunning like the Devil himself. You see… you`re just like me.

I LOVE YOU AND I HATE YOU, L. AND I WILL HAVE YOU. YOU ARE PART OF ME AS I AM PART OF YOU, REMEMBER THAT. IF I AM TO DIE, YOU ARE TO FOLLOW.

I need more can you help me? Feed my sins, come and kill me. I found out that you`ve broken into my office, again. I will punish you tonight. Do not expect any mercy.

OF COURSE, YOU LOVE ME, L.

I AM YOU AFTER ALL.


	10. SCARED

Drabble no 9 - Sickness by Three Doors Down

Pairing- Naomi M. X BB

Themes- paranoia, schizophrenia, suicide

**Scared**

Naomi ran on the narrow hallway all the way dragging her hands over the walls in search of a light. Someone is in her house.

He`s there, waiting for her.

There is no one in her house.

No. No. No. Noooooo!

She found a glass of water by the kitchen sink. She doesn`t remember about it. She doens`t remember anything.

Where is he? Where is he? The bastard!

Where is he, after all…?

She`s so lonely.

And the only one that will welcome her home is a serial killer. It`s him! Her only lover, through fire and ashes.

And it`s driving her crazy.

There is someone in her house. There, something moved. She has a gun and she`s going to use it. Whoever broke into her house is going to pay.

It`s him. It`s him, waiting for her, licking his lips like a hungry wolf.

And she`s the sheep.

Her heart is beating, unleashed with fear, her hands tremble.

Then again…

At night she hears it creeping, at night she hears it move… she`ll never sleep here anymore.

That thing just scurried away. It`s human… that`s all she thinks of. And it bears the scent of burnt skin and dried blood.

-I have a gun so you`d better not do something reckless, she says in an overconfident tone.

Of course… she might pull the trigger several times until the bullets hit it, because it`s so damn dark.

The cackle she hears freezes her blood.

-Who`s there? Answer me, you dammed fool! Don`t fucking mock me, B!

However, the cackle is incessant and mocking.

She never felt like this before.

It can`t be… no… it can`t be. She`s just paranoid. He`s not here. No, it can`t be. He`s rotting away in some prison, far away from her.

No he`s not.

-B? BB? Beyond? Are you there?

And she cries and sniffles with desperation. This is the only reality she has. This chase between them, this fight. Because it1s the only moment where she felt alive.

What if he broke out? What if he`s here after her? Why does he cackle so much? Why does he laugh at her?

-You won`t be… lonely.

That voice… it is enough to make her want to die. Why does this happen to her. Is it really him or just one of those voices?

He comes closer and she can see those eyes searching her soul and ripping her apart.

Before she knows what she`s doing she puts the gun to her head and pulls the trigger.

-It`s all because of you.


	11. Sweet Dreams

Drabble no 10 – Sweet dreams by Emily Browning ( from Sucker punch)

Pairing- Light Y. X Sayu( non consensual)

Themes-mentions of incest, non consensual ,general sickness

**Sweet dreams**

Whoever says I`m a happy girl knows nothing. I am just a broken puppet in his arms. He lies to me and says he will stop but he never does. And this is when I know that I`m trapped.

Mother won`t really listen to what I have to say. And dad will keep ignoring me.

And he`ll continue doing this to me. As he usually does. Because he likes to feel all powerful. Because he loves the fear in my eyes.

He`s there in his room, I know it. And I`m so used to it by now that I don`t really care what will happen to us. I just hope that mom will catch him and dad will yell at him when he realizes he`s been so blind for so long.

The door opens. I can hear it. This is the sound of my heart dying repeatedly.

I can`t help but whimper and I know he won`t stop even if I plead. He`s too used with me being obedient by now. and I just want to be dead and gone in his arms. I want to see him afraid for once.

But I can`t, because he`s the only one I have.

It`s 3 o`clock. Our parents sleep like logs by now… But Light… he`s here again.

He takes the cover off and gets in. he hugs me so tightly. That`s what I hate about him. He gives me all the affection that I crave, yet in a way so obscene, I can only feel ashamed at myself in the morning.

But tonight he`s different. I can feel it. He just hugs me like that and all I can feel is his breath on the nape of my neck.

-Sweet dreams, Sayu… he whispers and then he falls asleep.

I just want to die again, but as I hear his strong heartbeat I know that it`s not me that I want dead. It`s him.


End file.
